Archive | December, 2013

Date a girl with a vacant mind

11 Dec

Note: This blog post will make little sense to you if you have not read Date a girl who reads and Date a girl who writes both of which are googlable. Here is a link for Date a girl who reads anyway.


Much has been made of dating girls who read or write but what of the other kind of girl – the one with a vacant mind? If you find a girl with a vacant mind charming and wish to court her—there are a few things you should know.

A girl who has a vacant mind will help you to ‘return to innocence’.

A girl with a vacant will make you forget about the troubles facing you or the nation as she will take your mind and imagination to distant places and people who you have never given a passing thought to ever before. Such a girl is a wikipedia on all that is trivial and insignificant to real life.

She is blissfully unaware of the (other) real world around her and creates a fluffy universe of her own. A universe that is a veritable La La Land where Niki Minaj, Chanel’s pink nail varnish # 517 rule along with Yo Yo Honey Singh and one where there is little space for Tarun Tejpals, Rajaratnams or 2G scams of the other world. This world will be your oasis and this is where you will go to for your daily repose, to reclaim your lost innocence.

Be prepared for her to leave you.

Not for long, but there will be those moments where she’s mumbling and she gets that look in her eyes and you know you’ve lost her. You may be talking to her about the results of the Aam Aadmi party in the recent elections or about the brevity of Rahul Gandhi’s last historic statement, but her eyes are glazing over because an episode of Glee or Bigg Boss, a salon appointment, the latest issue of People magazine…. has gripped her attention and you must either partake in her simple pleasures by joining her or find your own trivial pursuits for a while; she’ll be back. Even better, she’ll come back and tell you all about it. She will bring you up to speed with the latest heartbreaks and spats in Bollywood and even gush gleefully over Matthew Mcconaughey’s recent ‘single again’ status.

She will make you feel like Jerry Seinfeld even if your personality is more matched to Arnab Goswami’s.

Over dinner dates, she will look at you vacuously and giggle at everything you say and make you realize just how funny you are even if you have the personality of an undertaker and no one else ever told you were funny.She can walk into the restaurant and remember exactly which celebrity dined there and more often than not, she knows exactly what they ordered and will want to order the same. She will surprise you by playing footsie with you just as you are about to sip into your red. Or tell you on your third date about how many children she wants to have, at which point you might choke at the wine but her guileless charm will not be lost on you.

There are girls who do not give you enough space, but a girl with a vacant mind is not that girl. She will leave you in the middle of a match or a romantic dinner and give you time to ruminate and reflect because she will take frequent powder room breaks to pursue her own reflection and touch up her mascara.

Going out with a girl with a vacant mind is like moving into an empty apartment. You can bring in your own furniture and accents and do it up exactly the way you’d want it to look. In no time this girl will share your likes, your dislikes and your opinions like a Siamese twin conjoined at your head. What man does not like a woman like that – a woman who holds the promise of a no-conflict relationship? Women with brains and opinions are too much work. Why would you choose to live on the Gaza strip when you can live in Tel-Aviv or Manhattan?

She chooses to spend her money on things that can be used more than a few times.

Date a girl who spends her money on clothes and make-up instead of books because a girl who reads, more often than not, know too much. The intellectual innocence of a girl with a vacant mind will enamour you like no other. When you bring up Murakami with her, she will ask you if you are talking about a brand of south sea pearls. You will laugh, but not the mocking, supercilious laugh of a know-it-all but the amused chortle of an indulgent man because you will find her cluelessness refreshing. It may help you to unintentionally establish your intellectual superiority as a consequence, not that you are looking to exalt your position to greater heights in this relationship anyway.

Sometimes she will be late because she pulled over to buy your apartment a new patchwork quilt that your bedroom has been begging for but you were too content with your life to pay attention to.


She will not always tell you how she feels out aloud.

But she will send you songs by Justin Bieber and Justin Timberlake to show you how she feels. She will always be subtle like that. She realizes just how futile it is to reinvent the wheel and bother with words when someone else has already spoken them so evocatively before.

Sometimes, everyday, she will click selfies of herself and you and let the pictures do the talking. Her like-minded friends will like those pictures on Facebook and you will know just how lovingly her inner circle has received you.


She will light up your life.

Not every ditzy girl has peroxide blonde hair but if you find yourself in the company of such a girl, you ought to know just how blessed you are. When the sky is overcast and you are feeling the blues the girl with a vacant mind and peroxide blonde hair (from the mother’s side) will lift your spirits with her sunshine presence. Thanks to her blonde hair you will never have to go looking for her when you go to dark places, say a nightclub.

She will have fewer inhibitions

A girl with a vacant mind is never self-righteous about alcohol and does not attach undue importance to its inebriating effects.  On a night out, a few drinks and fewer inhibitions later she will be seen on the dance floor, on the couch and on tabletops as she sways, swings and loses herself to the rhythm of the night.

So go out with a girl with a vacant mind because you deserve it. Because isn’t life hard enough without having to manage a Madame Curie or Jane Austin in the bedroom?

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