Hello, will u be my Frand – Some gems from Facebook to lighten up your day

18 Dec

I was clearing out a some old messages from Facebook last week when I stumbled upon these gems. Published here are just some of the messages I have received from strangers on Facebook. My reason for reproducing them isn’t to prove my desirability quotient to an assortment of incorrect-English speaking men, lurking around on the internet, but to bring a little cheer to the lives of my readers, when so much bad news about rape and murder abounds around us.
Without doubt, all women on FB get such requests, but only some of them are jobless enough to catalogue them and blog about them.
I have withheld the names of the message senders so as not to embarrass them or discourage them from sending similar messages to other girls. We all do need a good laugh sometimes.

The comments in italics are from the Message Senders and the one in plain font are my comments about them.

FB message sender: u look soo cute ,u got to be really sweet GIRL …U teddy * .:.
I never thought of myself as a teddy. I also don’t know if this gentleman of fine taste is implying if I resemble a teddy, in which case he needs to be shot.

FB Message sender: having damn awesome looking gal
Is this guy saying that my daughters are awesome looking? They are really small, you pedophile.

Fb Message sender: Aap mujse dosti karoge kya??
I’m not u r Frend each other but start new frendship with u….
Can I send u req pls tell.

I am happy to be his Frend if he promises to run a spell check before he sends out such requests. Messages with incorrect spellings are known to be a common cause for inducing epileptic fits in people who receive them.

FB Message sender: shunali aunty can u add me as a friend, thanks

Aunty? Who is an aunty? Your mother must be an aunty. He calls me aunty and wants to become my friend? I don’t even give alms to a beggar boy who calls me “Aunty”. You need to grow up hun and find someone your own age.

FB Message sender: Hi Dear, how are you today? I have interest in you. 
I wish we can start by been good friends.
My regards,

I am fine today. We can start by being friends and end up as? Very tempting, but no thanks. Oh, and a small detail you might have missed seeing on my profile page – I am married.

FB Message sender: Hi! Hows u? Having damn awesome luks dear! U luk stylish mam.
I am also having damn awesome temper to match my luks and get yourself an education before you send out messages in sms lingo.

FB Message sender: Hi u look so nice r u into modeling?
what do u do?
can i have ur bbm pin?
I am into modeling in a huge way. I am a model for a lot of ‘Before and After’ ads, I usually land myself the ‘Before’ part. If you drive down Linking road, Bandra, you will find my BBM pin written with a neon sign right in front of the Khar telephone exchange. So hurry up and add me to your Blackberry messenger, asap.

FB Message sender: Hi,
I was surfing my friend’ profile and saw you there; want to add you as friend but seems there is some technical issue. Could you send me friend request.

Sure I will, in a bit, as soon as I am finished doing my head stand. Can’t wait actually.

FB Message sender: I lead a very busy life and i am choosy when it comes to making friends and interacting with people..If i make friends, i make them for life and i do anything for them..
You have the most beautiful eyes and the most seductively killing smile i have ever seen adorned by any lady!! 
Are you from/in Bombay?
I feel BB an be a better place to chat initially 
Give me your pin sweets!!

Most flattered that you want to be my friend in spite of being so busy and choosy about your friendships. Where have you been all my life? Since you mention you would do anything for your friends, have you considered contractual killing yet? If the answer is yes, then I am happy to be your friend and share a list of names, of people who have ticked me off recently. I am confident, you will oblige. Even I feel BB is a better place to chat INITIALLY, sweetie. Regarding my BB pin, kindly head to Linking Road, Bandra. It is written on a hoarding, in a neon sign opposite Khar telephone exchange building. You cannot miss it.

FB message sender: hey..hw u doin…well dnt knw frm whre v’l i start…bt ya wish2 knw & chat wid u smeday wid ur prior permission..i knw vr strangers..bt cn chnge ur perception dat d guy u met’s cute & trustworthy…& m sure..u cn judge ppl well..even william shakespere says:when u find angel whoz sweet & having a cute tedhi nose..just jump on her & feel d depth & fragnance of frndship..so lets c..whts on ma destiny…a ray of hope still waiting.

I get that tingling feeling in my nerves when I read messages from people who quote Shakespeare. This time however, it is the nerves of my hand that are tingling the most. A ray of hope is waiting for that one day ma hand will encounter ur cheek with great momentum.

FB Message sender: hi my self XYZ (name witheld) i from ludhiana married and doing business. can we talk about business if u ndont mind i wait ur reply plz

And what is the nature of business you wish to engage in when you send FB requests to unemployed housewives on FB?

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5 Responses to “Hello, will u be my Frand – Some gems from Facebook to lighten up your day”

  1. Veteran Maj Gen Ashok Coomar December 20, 2012 at 7:34 am #

    Well done Shunali. Your write up, the award, and its appreciation by so many people show what an impact your honest remarks on posts have had. If you are honest and sporting in life it can accumulate into some thing as classical as this.
    Keep it up and keep enlightening others with seemingly mundane things in life.

    Madhu and Ashok, both Coomars.

    • shunalishroff December 20, 2012 at 1:56 pm #

      Dear Ashok uncle and Madhu aunty,
      This is the greatest honour for me, to hear from one as erudite as you. I am in the neo-natal stage of writing and your encouraging feedback is having a delirious, steroid-like impact on my sense. Thank you again. I shall try my best to keep up with my honesty as a writer. Love to aunty.

  2. harry March 25, 2014 at 2:55 pm #

    hi frand

  3. shunalishroff December 18, 2012 at 3:40 pm #

    Most honoured. Thank you for choosing my blog. This makes me want to write better. How can I post the badge on my website? I blog from two different addresses, though the matter is the same.The other address is http://www.shunalishroff.com I would like to be able to use your badge on both.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Bloggie’s Award winners – Mid December 5′s! | PZYCODERZ - December 18, 2012

    […] all the little incidents that happened in her life as if in a movie. Her latest post had been Hello, will u be my Frand – Some gems from Facebook to lighten up your day , where she have scribbled down her Facebook posts and said about what she felt when she read […]

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